I threw away a 6 foot dried-up grass yesterday that had dominated my garden for several weeks, once a lovely gracefully arched specimen scavenged from a client’s garden in the hope of finding a new home. Sadly, I was unable to find a home for it, and in the process of tending my broken heart, neglected it. Ted and I have broken up. Despite the knowledge that we were completely wrong for each other, and our obvious differences and complete incompatibility, and the fact that he’s moving in a few days anyway, we enacted a dramatic breakup, completely out of proportion to our relationship. I’m really feeling alone now, which I suppose is good–it’s what everyone says I should be feeling, but it’s difficult, particularly after being in relationships for all of my adult life. I’m having a party tomorrow, to fill the house with friends and merry-making, and to remind me that there is life outside of my soap opera love life.
This affair with Ted has shaken me a bit. Even though I knew how awkward and at times completely wrong we were together, I went ahead and invested a lot of emotion in our interaction. I suppose it’s an hysterical response of sorts, diverting attention away from grieving my relationship with Bob–finding an emotional outlet that’s about passion instead of pain. Why can’t I just take an aspirin?
So today I am a single man again. Really. Finally. Available, the world at my doorstep, open to new experiences, new love, and a new life.