If I may take a moment of your time to complain about a serious problem that this newly liberated bachelor is encountering: muff trimming. When did everyone start doing this horrid thing to their pubic shrubery? I don’t care if you’ve got a little one, let ME find it. The Muff Trimers tell me that the hair gets in the way, that it gets rolled into condoms… ?? Really, I don’t buy it. Aside from the unnatural look–and it completely doesn’t make the member any bigger, it makes it look like the Muff Trimmer is trying to make it look bigger–it’s sensually problematic. I consider myself a master of all activities related to the use of the tongue and lips, the main tools of my pleasure giving, and it’s a bit jarring to encounter stubble 3 feet below the clip and shave zone, like finding a patch of sandpaper on an ice cream cone. And there’s always some kind of interesting bare skin to be found somewhere to be stimulated, so keep those razors and clippers away from your testicles, gentlemen. Oh, the horror, the horror.
Tales of Post-Twinkie Ennui