Lunches, Dinner, And Five More Pounds of Me

Thom Gunn died Sunday night, peacefully in his sleep, found by his partner. How sad. He and Jess, who also died earlier this year, were guests at my and Bob’s house every odd year for a birthday lunch, their births falling relatively close to each other, as now their deaths. I loved the accessibility of his poetry–sparse and lyrical. Jess and I were the relatively quiet ones at lunch, while Bob and Thom jabbered on, Thom usually sharing details about his latest drug-n-sex fest. He always seemed happy.

Big Chrissy and I spent the weekend in Moline, visiting his mom and sisters, and in Chicago dining with his dad, Stephanie. This time I only had one Martini the size of my head, at Jack’s on Halstead, and Bambi’s mother, and sour cherry pie. In Moline I woke to perfectly trimmed impossibly green grass, redbuds and plums in full bloom, a little squirrel scurrying across the road, birds tweeting, deep blue sky, and a rabbit in the neighbor’s yard–a guest at the Cleavers’–Eddy and Lumpy around the corner. (Eddy and Lumpy are now married and have recently remodeled their house across the creek and constructed a screened gazebo to accentuate their considerable landscaping.) We visited the Saarinen-designed headquarters of John Deere and Company, interconnected rusty steel-framed and glass rectangles, crowned with a horizontal steel lattice, set into a lush landscape of rolling hills and flowering trees. The architecture is integrated into the landscape in such a way so that it’s nearly impossible to see a complete building. It sits like pieces of abstracted farm machinery, rusting in the fields. On Sunday night we had a “progressive” dinner–meaning we progressed from house to house, course to course: appetizers and Harvey Wallbanger’s at Pat’s (Chris’ mom); lasagne and salad at Beth’s; and then Hershey Bar pie, Chai, and Sopranos at Margie’s. Yumzoodle!

I gained 5 pounds on the trip, from all the sweets and fatty snacks, which I couldn’t tear myself away from, despite the strategically placed grapes and watermelon. My family never snacked. The Little Debbie Snack Cakes, Hostess Cupcakes, and highly refined things at my friends’ houses were like bombs of pleasure that my mom kept from us, offering us fruit instead–which actually continues to be my only snack. When I’m around those kinds of foods, something happens, the sub-taster tramples over the super-taster and the grapes, and can not be satisfied. Help! Give me whole grains, olive oil and a pear–vit!

Laptop Batteries Out of Juice

I just watched Shakespeare In Love, which I last tried to watch on one of the nights when D and I ended our affair a few years ago, but we ended up boinking, as one mostly does in an affair, so I never got to finish the film. I really liked it. Actually I drank a bottle of wine with it, and so I’m all giggly and weepy. Manny and I rented Misery the weekend he died, but we never got to watch it, either. I mean, he died. Regardless, I paid something like $50 to Superstar when I finally returned the video, after the burial. I told them, “My lover died, I didn’t get to see it.”  They charged me anyway. I will watch that movie someday. The narrrative of my love life is linked to films–mostly missed. Between lovers, I am getting caught up on the mound of Italian neo-realist, French New Wave, and Korean horror films that I wouldn’t subject anyone else to but myself. Will my next love share my taste in film? Or lack thereof? I was really nervous about my presentation at the library. It was actually fun, and I pulled it off, mostly, although in my nervousness I forgot Piero della Francesca’s name, and had to skip over most of the reason behind my series Ideal City because of it. Speaking of narrative, man, am I having a rough time with Bob’s complete exploitation of his experience with me. I remember him scribbling notes on his yellow pads while I was still post-orgasmic groggy, but I never imagined that he was taking notes about what had just transpired. The more I read of his latest book, the more resentful and angry I become, primarily because of his partial absence from the relationship and simultaneous denial of responsibility for its end. The details are fun, though. Today Peter and Luis and I went to see the Deco show at the Legion, and they confirmed my anger–Bob’s wonderful and brilliant, but he’s a cold distant fish and I am a live hot tomato. A successful entree we do not make. I’ve told him he could have everything, pretty much, I just want him to leave. I don’t want to be as materialistic as he is, although I do get to keep the Wormley sofa, if only because it’s too big to fit in his house. I’m now just another character in his autobiographical fiction–Ed, Denny, Kathy, Bruce, Nayland, L, Mack, etc… I wonder if he believes the fiction that he’s contextualized us all in? I don’t remember what the theme of this paragraph was supposed to be, but I’m sleepy, so forgive my lack of coherence and structural integrity and sleepum tightums.

Queer Photo Salon

Come on down for another Great
QUEER PHOTO SALON
A fabulous slide show of, by and for our community curated by Chloe Atkins

TODAY, THURSDAY,
April 15th
6 – 8 PM

Absolutely FREE!
Hosted by the James C. Hormel Gay & Lesbian Center at the San Francisco Main Library
Downstairs in the Latino Hispanic Community Meeting Room
100 Larkin Street (415) 557-4566

CHRIS KOMATER
is very interested in the “bear” movement’s embrace of ideals of beauty that lie outside of the mainstream. He has been photographing the hairy male body close-up and abstract, and then reassembling the images into new forms. He invites the viewer to share his fascination and to subvert received ideas of beauty.

REBECCA MEYER
didn’t study photography. She learned whatever she knows through drilling every photo geek she’s ever known. She has been published in the Bay Guardian and On Our Backs, and produced work for Glamour. She is the main photographer for San Francisco in Exile, a spoken word series at the Jon Sims Center whose goal is to create a web-based archive of Bay Area queer spoken word artists.

BIRON
abandoned his Ph.D. dissertation on the Dada Poetry and Philosophy of Tristan Tzara along with an eight year old college teaching career, and moved to San Francisco from Ann Arbor, Michigan. From early experiments with  Xerox art in the mid 1960s, Biron participated in various  conceptual and mail art projects in the 1970s including a collaboration with Andy Warhol in 1975 (“Homage to R. Mutt “). His work appeared in various underground publications both in the US and in Europe. His slogan appeared in L.A.’s HIGH PERFORMANCE magazine (Spring 1980): “Art only exists beyond the confines of accepted behavior.”

New Furniture, No More Grids

So the divorce is going really well. Occasionally I drift off onto the shoulder, day-dreaming of the type of connectedness that Bob and I shared, but then I grab the wheel and steer this sucker back onto the road. I’ve been shopping. Mid-century furnishings have replaced furry forearms for the moment. Yesterday I bought an incredible orange-cushioned danish modern chair, with nice curved arms, and a fabulous blue ultra-suede lounge chair, with a single curved and buttoned cushion, that is the single-most comfortable object that my little Chrissy has ever rested itself on. I also bought dishes, produced by Stangl in the early 50’s, a delightful pattern of flowers against a dark green ground. My bachelor pad is going to swing, baby!

So I’m through with grids. To paraphrase Bing Crosby (and later Marilyn Monroe)…

Goodbye to spring and all it meant to me
It can never bring the thing that used to be.
For I must have you or no one
And so I’m through with grids.

For now, anyway.  I associate my grids with a yearning that led me out of my relationship with Bob. As long as I’m leaving everything in the dust, I may as well bury my aesthetic fantasies as well. Gee, what next? I’m not sure. I’ve been toying and experimenting with some new ideas, ideas that I haven’t shared with you yet.  Stay tuned!

Fluffy and Ruffy

Reese and I have been working on a website for the comics that he makes with his little friends. Reese and his buddies have a little club called the “Uffy Club,” all 10-year olds, and they make these groovy comics. We only have a few up, but check ’em out…

Fluffy & Ruffy

(That’s Reese at the top of the page, with an apple in his mouth.)

Run Away

Today’s piece, tentatively called Run. The other two pieces that I’ve been working on are quite challenging, very abstract (I can’t even tell what part I photographed), cloudlike, but I’m plugging away, and hope to have them up for you to see soon. Meanwhile… (oh, and this piece is roughly 6 feet wide x 3 feet high)

Something or Other

I’ve been working on several new pieces over the past few weeks, and feel ready to preview one… (Keep in mind that the tonal values are not accurate, as these are only test prints.) Not sure yet of the title, but not something with “dentata” in it. I don’t think I like it.  And not in a good way.

Hopin’ and Prayin’ and Sniffin’

I’ve not been very successful in finding a mouth wide enough for my next grid. I photographed Dean twice already, and even with my new extension tube, couldn’t get quite close enough. Ted has recommended a friend to me, who in college used to brag about the large bottles and such that he could accomodate, but he has some sort of flu-like thing, and so I must wait out his illness. I’m so consumed by this idea that I’m finding it difficult to move forward on a new piece. Does anyone out there have a really big mouth? Surrounded by fur? Call me…

Tonight the parental units come to visit. Oh my god, I forgot to tell you, my brother Mark and his wife, Keith, had a baby, a serene and beautiful little girl, named Cassady Blue, in keeping with Keith’s family tradition of naming the girls after boys. (Keith’s mom’s name is Joe, “Joe Mama.”) Mom and Dad will be here for a week, so get ready for tales of sibling wierdness.

Ted is trying to make me more outdoorsy. I’ve been hiking and running, and next comes skiing and biking. Could you imagine? I am a card-carrying sissy. I just want to hear about people breaking legs on the slopes, and pass in my car those guys in those stupid black biking shorts biking UP (??) Mount Tamalpais. Someone help! Or send me a stand-in. In theory, Ted is supposed to accompany me to some sort of cultural event/activity for balance. Really, I’d rather be in a museum on a sunny day, or passed out in a field in Sonoma County after wine tasting and sex.

Which reminds me, we were talking last night about facades, while dining at the fine Firewood Cafe, and questioning authenticity and gay identity. When lesbians who dress up like little gay dudes were brought up, or maybe it was lesbians who call themselves “bears” and dress up in boots and plaid shirts were brought up, I forget which, and accused of not being authentic, adopting the look and sexual persona of “another,” I blurted out that I feel a sense of estrangement and amusement every time I go to the Lone Star for precisely the same reason, wondering if the appropriation of stripped-down blue-collar masculinity is accompanied by any sense of irony? I hear a lot of bears say, “Anyone can be a bear, it’s about a sensibility,” which I think really means that you, too, could dress up like one. It’s all about what we wear, isn’t it?

Which reminds me, my daphnes are blooming right now. For the next few weeks, I will roam through my garden and weep gently and happily as the most intoxicating fragrance this side of a sweating man wafts through my larger-than-average nostrils and hits some kind of deeply hidden nerve center connected directly to Mount Olympus. Come sniff with me, and be my love…