Letter to BC

Sunday, December 14th, 2003 | The Dating Game

Distance is something that can be achieved with a shift in emotional as well as actual proximity. I do love you, and I do believe that we can help each other though this. Yes we’re going to piss each other off, and yes we’re going to hurt each other, and yes, you may need some actual distance from me to reposition yourself in relation to my limitations and my own grieving process. Bob has cut me off, that’s how he does it, a systematic breakup including lots of conversations with friends, direct anger at me, powerful anti-depressants, a period of being alone, and then da!da! we’ll be friends. He’s done it before–I’m now in the group that’ll get together with Bob and his new boyfriend for New Year’s Eve and for trips to Umbria; Denny, Loring, Stanley, etc… I’ve spent several years separating myself from the specific things I wanted from you that you weren’t able to address or acknowledge–Love him for who he is now, not what he’ll be–and perhaps this is why I cling to the possibility that you can make a shift with me around, too. I can’t address your desire, but I can love you and support you and be a fabulous friend and fun companion. But if my presence is causing too much distress, I will respect whatever you need, and I will love you through it.

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