Jumping and Pushing

Monday, February 7th, 2005 | The Dating Game

So BC has been pushing our relationship a certain way for some time now. “Go ahead. Jump. Jump and it will all be over..” Well, here goes. To paraphrase Klaus Nomi, I want to be a si-i-ngle man… Didn’t Carrie Bradshaw say it takes a week for every year you’ve been with a guy to get over the guy? Does this take into account how long the relationship actually worked, or just proximity? I feel liberated and relieved by this decision. We haven’t been able to construct a meaningful collaboration as lovers, but as friends, we’ve formed what I see is a pretty powerful and loving bond. I feel like I used to after Confession–clean, wary of the next misstep, but fully aware that I’m weak and am going to fall again. But not for a mammal outside of my own family and genus. Please.

So it looks like it’s finally going to happen. Alone at last. It only took 5 years, thousands of dollars in therapy, 4 broken hearts, 2 trips to Europe, 435 journal entries on the subject, and a blue ultra-suede Milo Baughman knock-off lounger. I expect that future updates to this journal will contain notes about my new projects and travels, and my chaste version of the single girl’s life, No Sex in the City. I’ll finally learn italian, read the book that Philip loaned to me in December, finish my movie, see every weird movie that only Emily or Davide will see with me, and sleep diagonally across the bed. Please let it last for more than a day this time. Don’t ask me out! I want to be alone! Take me to a movie, or dinner, but nowhere remotely romantic or dimly lit, and not without someone you find more irresistibly attractive. I’m totally looking forward to internet porn, candlelit dinners for one, passing out under the kitchen table, and lots and lots of movies…

A few hours pass.

Well, wouldn’t you know it, before I even post this, Chris and I are back in our comfy nest of indecision and clingy-ness. There seems to be just too much there there to just walk away, as was the plan when I started penning this post this morning. I offered that we study italian together tonight and take a few days to think about my leaping and his shoving.

I hate to leave you with a cliffhanger, but stay tuned for the next exciting adventures of Chris & Chris…

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