Dean came over for dinner last night. We had gnocchi, and a salad of greens tossed with grapefruit, avocado, and olive oil–just perfect–and prosecco, wine, and limoncello. I filled him in on the Dating Game, which took up the bulk of our conversation–and is going to probably take up the bulk of this post–and the challenges of living with my mentally ill ward, still residing downstairs in my studio. I don’t know if I’m ready to talk about the latest with him yet, but I will tell you that I’ve come to grasp the true meaning of compassion, and the limits of my capacity to stay calm under extreme and daily manipulation.
It’s been fun playing the Dating Game, but #8 has thrown me off balance a bit. I’m conscious of hormones kicking in and taking over, some inner caveman bonking my outer Po-Mo and shaking his club over my head in conquest of rationality.
You’re not only fascinated by the car wreck, you want to be in it! Flee the scene, Coco, flee!
So Rational Coco is obviously flummoxed by Caveman Coco’s insistence on… on… on what? I’m not even sure. I’ve sort of been in the driver’s seat with #8’s predecessors, could it be that his distance and lack of focus is somehow attractive? Is this just about conquest? Intertia? Why isn’t there some equal and opposite bachelor exerting pressure to slow down? Have I become one of those horrid people who thinks he can project desire and substance on an empty vessel?
No, Coco, no! You’re not that guy! You’re just having what we like to call “a co-dependent moment.” Relax and it’ll pass. We have about 5 more minutes, so could we wrap this up?
CAVEMAN COCO [shakes club over head]: Caveman Coco want #8 to take down internet ad and love only Coco.
RATIONAL COCO: Are you bananas, Caveman Coco? That’s who he is! You can’t change that, and despite what he says about wanting to be in a relationship, he’s a child of 70’s Gay Liberation and he’ll never give up free love for a secure future and only one pussy.
CAVEMAN COCO: Caveman Coco make #8 love him with club.
RATIONAL COCO: Put. The. Club. Down.