It’s not because we have so little in common, nor that we’re incompatible sexually, not even because of his snoring–it’s because I wouldn’t agree to drop my principles. Actually, just a single principle.
#8 and I drove up to Jenner for a few nights at the Stillwater Cove Ranch, actually 20 miles north of Jenner, on a bluff overlooking the rocky Pacific and deep blue tidal pools. The Ranch was an old school for boys, with cabins built in the 30’s, converted in the 60s into “modern accommodations.” Our cabin was the Cook’s Cabin, with fabulous views of the old residence below and the sea beyond. Peacocks roam wild on the property and make their love calls all day and night. Across the highway, one can walk for miles on the ocean cliffs, on paths that meander through forests and meadows, down to private beaches, or up to rocky promontories.
It was a most romantic getaway.
Until lunch.
Within minutes it was over, like those late afternoon thundershowers on the Gulf Coast. I drove as fast as I could back to the city, and that was it. We parted on friendly terms, with no real substance, at least not mine, having been exchanged during our two month tussle. What “principle,” you ask? It doesn’t matter, just that I was forced to choose between him or violating someone else’s trust. I couldn’t do it. He even asked if I could do it two years from now, after the wedding. To him, I was withholding part of myself from him, and he couldn’t deal with it. To me, I was being asked to make a decision that wasn’t mine to make. Such is love.
That is, such is the Dating Game. If there were just more there there… Oh what an awful way to break up, to not address the real reasons why we shouldn’t be together in the first place, to break up over a lousy abstract principle.
I want substance next time. And someone into mine.