The Look of Love

The Look of Love currently at the Birmingham Museum of Art is an utterly charming exhibition of exquisite and daintily hand-painted “lovers’ eyes,” miniatures of human eyes set in jewelry and given as tokens of affection or remembrance. The tradition dates back to the end of the 18th century, when the Prince of Wales sent his reluctant lover a miniature portrait of his eye, along with a proposal of marriage. His act inspired other aristocratic types to exchange their own eye portraits.

One piece has an inscription on it, il ne voit et ne verra que toi: it (my eye) sees and will see only you.

Only about 1,000 of these portraits are know to exist. This collection of some 100 objects was pieced together by Dr. and Mrs. David A. Skier of Birmingham, and is the largest collection of its type in the world. If you need only one excuse to visit the Magic City this spring, this is it.

Bouncing Bronze Beach Bears

Today I had the beach to myself. Until the bronze furry-bellied chubs came along. Unlike yesterday’s crowd of youthful mostly slender gays and lesbians, today’s was consistently of a more mature, girthful constitution. The first one to come along made a beeline to my spot on the beach and asked for help understanding the parking meters. I willingly assisted the portly beach enthusiast-in-distress, who ultimately settled down a few feet away, and asked for yet another favor, to slather his fuzzy back with sunscreen. Is this starting to sound like a porn movie? To dispel those sorts of expectations, I’ll tell you now that there are no Happy Endings here, this was more like a 70s soft core beach flick starring someone like Raquel Welch and Oliver Reed. I was very happy to oblige with the sunscreen, and we struck up a conversation and fell into a remarkably easy and intimate exchange as we continued applying sunscreen to subsequent limbs and expanses. He told me he was in a monogamous relationship of 22 years, visiting from New York, and that he had popped down to the beach for a quick dip in the Gulf before joining his partner for lunch. I told him of my current dating life, of my former partners, we chatted about love and fidelity, of our mutual embrace of long-term entanglements. Our enthusiastic touching and conversing about fidelity stimulated a response requiring a great deal of diversionary posturing, so in lieu of public beach infidelity, I suggested that he channel the titillation towards a wonderful evening with his partner. I recommended that he tell him that he met this hot stud on the beach who, while applying sunscreen to his back, brushed delicately but suggestively against his body, making tiny little grunting sounds, “Yeah, uh-uh,” stuff like that, but that he calmly told his molester that he was a married man and was true to his one and only. I fed him more lines of dialogue, added more muscles and super-sized appendages, and asked that he think of me when welcoming his partner’s proud and excited response, that he imagine me on the headboard, performing some dance with many veils and attendant putti.

There were about four couples who settled in around us, a convergence of coupledom each consisting of a more full-bodied furry fellow and a slightly younger slimmer paler companion. Who staged this for me?

And then this motorized Spanish galleon putted past…

A Gaggle of Gays, a Litter of Lesbians, and My Sister & Brother-in-Law

So today I snuck away to the beach with my sister and brother-in-law. To a beach full of bronzed thin guys in tight trunks—the gay beach. I sat next to a litter of baby lesbians, with tattoos, dyed cropped hair, either really big bazoombas or completely flat chests, baseball caps and piercings. They splashed around in the water, threw frisbees, drank beer and played that ball game with the velcro mitt.

The gaggle of gays on my left wore nothing but constrictive swimwear, and an occasional tattoo. Each bathing suit looked sewn onto each chiseled perfectly tanned body, with horizontal stripes that bulged elliptically and calculatedly. One guy’s bikini was vulgarly efficient in enhancing basketry that needed anything but enhancing. And fuscia to boot. Every time he promenaded by, that glowing protuberance commanded my attention like a fiery slow-motion fuscia comet about to crash into me. There was one guy whom I could not believe was real, with bubbly comic book super hero muscles and dark chocolate skin that didn’t reflect any sunlight, a bonbon swaddled in a flimsy yellow wrapper.

Okay, so there were the lesbians frolicking and laughing and having a blast in the water, but the gays limited their activity to slowly sauntering along the water’s edge—each one turning his head 90 degrees for one half second and checking me out as he passed. Or they would slowly sashay into the water, to just above the ankle, and stand there. Stand there, in the water. Like ikebana.

The prettiest flower on the beach, my sister Carol

Bearden, Cage, Dali and My Farmer Tan

Yesterday I visited a show of Romare Bearden collages at the Tampa Art Museum, Southern Recollections. The exhibition examines how the South served as a source of inspiration for Bearden, years after leaving it, both celebrating and eulogizing a lost way of life. The imagery is nostalgic, full of archetypal depictions of African American life with many symbolic and ritual allusions. Much of the work focuses visually on the time of day before and after work, chillaxin, or on women’s work, wash days, bathing. Formally, they pulse with color, but visually flat, and where there’s no color, there’s a jazzy monochromatic harmony, leaning towards abstraction. The works are displayed in a looney almost haphazard fashion, loosely chronologically, but really, I couldn’t figure out the logic behind the arrangements, other than trying to visually approximate Bearden’s own use of collage.

Also on view was a John Cage piece, 33-1/3, from 1969, performed by my sister Carol and me. There are about a dozen record players arranged in a circle in the center of a large gallery. Carol and I selected several records to play simultaneously, and at different volumes: an acoustic album of various Nelson Riddle arrangements; Devo’s Are We Not Men?; Peggy Lee singing with Benny Goodman; Led Zeppelin; a John Cage album from the early 60s; some instrumental hip hop thingy; I can’t remember what else, but our cacophonous creation served as acoustic backdrop for the rest of our museum tour. And everyone else’s.

On to the new Dali Museum, where the crowds were dense like in San Francisco, only in flip-flops and sunscreen. I really love Dali’s early surrealist paintings, and stepping into his simultaneous id, ego and super-ego orchestrations. There’s all the sexual queasiness and anxiety of youth, so beautifully and meticulously painted, with such visual invention.

Today I’m off to the beach to bob around in the Gulf and even out this farmer tan.

The Dating Game: Barrels of Wine & Underground Gardens

Last weekend I had two really swell dates. On Saturday I drove up with Giancarlo to meet my darling wino cousins from Chicago in Sonoma County for barrel tasting. Participating wineries offer tastings direct from the barrel, before the wine’s been tweaked and bottled. There’s dancing and music and great food, a really lively celebration. And of course the beautiful Sonoma countryside. Giancarlo drove my car on the way back, as I was an enthusiastic taster and of course had to sample everything, plus I was rear-ended near Martinelli’s and still a bit frazzled, so he offered to relieve me of driving duty. Looking at him in the driver’s seat, I thought, “What a handsome man.” The sound of it coming out of my mouth as I thought I was just thinking it surprised even me.

The next morning, I drove down to Fresno to visit the Forestiere Underground Gardens, a maze of underground rooms, patios and grottos, framed and supported by Roman arches of local field stone, built by Baldassare Forestiere in the early part of the 20th century. Fruit trees and grape vines grow from the subterranean space up through circular openings in each room, creating dappled shadows, lush scents, and patches of orange-dotted sky. Señor Grant drove up from southern California to join me, once again captivating me with his wit, intelligence, and radiance.

Posh Ruins, Architectural Trysts & Cowboy Love

Continuing our exploration of architectural Phoenix, Big Chrissy and I visited the Biltmore Hotel, designed by Albert Chase McArthur and opened in 1929. It’s a gorgeous building, let’s call it Streamlined Aztec Moderne. Frank Lloyd Wright consulted with the builders about the masonry, briefly, over a four month period, even sold them a patent for a concrete block system that he didn’t own. The current owners of the property have capitalized on his more popular reputation, and named several of the restaurants after him, placed sculptures made for Wright’s Midway Gardens Project on the property, and scattered reproduction Wright furniture here and there. Even our tour guide mistakenly described the bricks as representing a Wright design of stylized palm trees, but in fact they are based on Albert Chase McArthur’s signature stamp. I asked the tour guide if any of Warren McArthur’s furniture had survived, and he said that he never designed any furniture for the hotel. Warren indeed designed thousands of pieces of furniture for the hotel, which were removed by an owner who thought the design of the building to be Wright’s. As a record of the McArthur brothers’ design and architectural collaboration, sadly, the Biltmore is a posh ruin.

Our next stop was the old Jefferson Hotel in Phoenix. Currently, it’s the Phoenix Police Museum, but as featured in the opening scene of Hitchcock’s Psycho, it was the site of the lunchtime tryst of Marion Crane and Sam Loomis, played by Janet Leigh and John Gavin. Much of the detail of the building has been stripped, and unlike the bullet-braziered Leigh in that scene, not very stimulating architecturally.

Our final stop of the day was The Sunflower RV Resort and Age Qualified Community, where Chris’ mom and her husband winter. RVs and double-wides are parked next to each other in neat sardine can rows that fan out from a delightful central social space built around a glistening pool. There’s not much relation to the desert or outside world, just isolation from shivery midwest and northern latitude climes. And of course lots of fun activities.

Big Chris’ family and I went to dinner in Cave Creek, at a mexican restaurant where I saw a pair of real cowboys. They were bowlegged, with full white beards, ten-gallon hats, and sort of clanked when the walked, even though they weren’t wearing spurs. They didn’t speak to each other at all, they just radiated an incandescent virility at each other. Of course I imagined them an old gay couple, just rustling up some grub after a long day of roping and lassoing. I wish I had taken a picture of them toddling off into the sunset, clanking, their arms sticking out from their bodies as if in preparation to draw. As such I was left with only an image that I snapped with one of them in the background, and one imagined picture of them arriving at their ranch, taking off their hats and finally those beautiful beards entwined.

Grand Canyon, Sedona, Little Frankie Wright

The Grand Canyon is so big. Now you’re supposed to say “How big is it?”, but I don’t have a witty punch line, it’s just big, on a scale that’s a bit hard to grasp. The 10 mile view to the other rim, for instance, was so clear and seemed so close, but it was 10 miles away. When I built a deck in the back of my house in San Francisco, I was required to put up a guardrail because the drop was a little more than 3 feet. The balusters had to be no more than 4 inches apart so that a child couldn’t tumble through and fall the 3 or so feet to his or her unsupervised death. There are only a few guardrails around the Grand Canyon, at various points, but the rest of the rim is dizzyingly vertigo-inducingly open. And with a mile drop to the floor. A San Francisco building inspector would make them take it out. Or fill it in.

On the way back to Phoenix, we stopped for dinner in Sedona, just in time to see the city’s backdrop of red sandstone rock formations gloriously illuminated by the setting sun, a spectacular show, like stepping into a hyper-saturated Maxfield Parrish painting of a John Ford vista.

The next day we visited Frank Lloyd Wright’s winter home and school, Taliesin West. It’s set amidst the Scottsdale lunar landscape, on the “brow” of a hill. Taliesin was a renowned bard who sang at the courts of several Celtic British kings a very long time ago. His name in Middle Welsh translates to “shining brow.”

Wright’s design abstractly incorporates visual references to the surrounding landscape, the hills, even the cacti. The whole venture was meant to function as an experiment of sorts, except, it seems, for water- and weatherproofing, which seem to be the most obvious challenges of the new caretakers. Wright, 5’8″ tall, is quoted as saying something about buildings for people over 6 feet tall being a waste of material, so anyone requiring this extra material has to stoop upon entering any room. I like the feeling of being squeezed through a narrow entry that opens into a larger space, like wiggling back into the womb.

By the Time I Got to Phoenix…

I’m in Arizona, with Big Chris and his jaunty relatives. The landscape here is beautiful, like the moon with shrubbery, and Republicans. Our hosts have books—hardback books—by Sarah Palin, Mike Huckabee and Bill O’Reilly. Unironically.

Tonight we went to a local sports bar and ate fried things: onion rings, cheese. Fried cheese! And the best turkey burger I’ve had in ages, charred, with so much flavor and juice. Mmmmm… There was a guy sitting at the table across from us who looked exactly like Mr. Johnny Cammareri in Moonstruck.

I just want you to know no matter what you do, you’re gonna die, just like everybody else.

Tomorrow we get up early to drive to the Grand Canyon, so I’m not providing much in the way of exposition, you’ll have to tune in later, my dears.

The Chilly Apple

Chrissy and I went to New York last week, for legitimate theater and really super-crowded art shows. We saw Samuel Jackson and Angela Bassett in The Mountaintop, a fantasy about Dr. King’s last night in the Lorraine Motel. Jackson played MLK doing a Samuel Jackson impression, and Angela Bassett a foxy maid at the motel sent to tempt and comfort him on his last night. The next night we saw Relatively Speaking—three one-act plays by Ethan Coen, Elaine May and Woody Allen—a rollicking delight, Woody Allen’s farce snowballing to epically outrageous hilariousness; then we saw the powerful family drama Other Desert Cities with Rachel Griffiths, whom I can’t believe isn’t from southern California, Stockard Channing, Stacy Keach, and a radiantly burned-out Judith Light; and our final play, Seminar, with a crusty Alan Rickman sexually and verbally amusing and abusing himself and his students.

MoMA is like a zoo, with kids snapping photos of their buddies next to Starry Night and Les Demoiselles d’Avignon. I spent much of the afternoon arguing with my dear old buddy Michelle about whether de Kooning was misogynist or not. As someone who slices up photos of hairy butts and makes flowers out of them, I thought the notion preposterous. He adored women, and that’s why they’re all exploded, slashed and fragmented, the center of the canvas, like he wanted to dive into them and be surrounded by those big balloon boobs. It’s the way that someone engaged with paint and expressionism would inhabit and represent beauty and desire. Where she saw rape, I saw love.

And I just love Michelle.

Brancusi dust

Nemr Poochie and Inna joined us for a foot-fatiguing day-long march through the Met. We saw a fabulous Renaissance portrait show, with countless Boticellis, well okay, like 5, and delightful portraits by Bellini, Dontello, Masaccio(!), and a portrait bust of baggy-eyed and full-chinned sex bomb Niccolò di Leonardo Strozzi by Mino da Fiesole.

The Guggenheim has a retrospective of just about all of the work ever made by Maurizio Cattelan, called “All.” The pieces are hung from the central rotunda of the museum by ropes, a dizzy assemblage of witty fabulosity experienced as your spiral up and down the ramp. He says he’s not going to be making sculpture anymore, and I am going to really miss this guy.

Nemr’s living in Brooklyn, in Williamsburg, right across the street from Thighs ‘n Pies. Or Pies ‘n Thighs. It’s classic southern food the way you rarely get it in the south, fresh, inventively prepared, not cooked to death. I snarfed everything that came close to the table.

Big Chrissy warming himself by the fire

The Dating Game: The Major and The Birds

Saturday, the Major and I drove up the Sonoma Coast for the day, stopping at Tony’s in Tomales for barbecued oysters and clam chowder, then on to Bodega to visit the schoolhouse in Hitchcock’s The Birds, pastries in Sebastopol, then back to the CocoPlex for a screening of the Hitchcock classic.

The Major looks like a former marine but talks and gesticulates with a near-lispy sweetness and gaiety that is just a pleasure to be around.  That contrast is something that has always been very attractive to me.  If the last two left to be chosen for my team were a furry femme bear or a lumberjack, I’d go with the furry femme bear.  Oh, and he calls me “buddy,” which just melts my butter, fueling my Skipper and Gilligan fantasies.

And speaking of Gilligan, my first thought on Sherwood Schwartz’s recent passing was that I never got to ask him how “The Pro-fes-sor aand Ma-ry Aann” became “aand the rest.”

Seeing Suzanne Pleshette all pecked up on her front her steps is always upsetting.  How could Mitch have ditched her anyway?  Soulful and sexy, an educator, and looking like Elizabeth Taylor’s younger sister… The jerk.